Writing Tips - Observations from Critiquing

Oct 20

Oct 20 Writing Tips - Observations from Critiquing

Back to Basics

In the past couple of months, I’ve completed over 40 chapter critiques and it has been a whirlwind of brilliant ideas, captivating prose, and crossed fingers. I’ve got such high hopes for so many of the projects that have come into my inbox and cannot wait to see where they all go.

That being said, I am a hard critique and I’ve given plenty of feedback. Sometimes I’m merely throwing out ideas, trying to solve why a brilliant opening chapter doesn’t seem to be gripping agents, trying to unlock that final level that will secure a manuscript representation. Other times, my feedback is more standard fare.

And that’s what this blog post is going to focus on; the standard fare comments I’ve been making almost across the board that I (did you know, publishing is subjective?) feel are essential to hooking an agent.

Nails are being bitten around the world right now as Pitch Wars mentors are reading fulls and agonising over their choices, and NaNoWriMo is just around the corner. It’s a busy, anxious time for so many of us. Sometimes the best thing to do is to simply go back to basics.

1. Rhythm

(A/N: Fun fact – I still say ‘rhythm has your two hips moving’ in my head whenever I spell this word)

I talked about rhythm on twitter a few weeks ago, and I think this is one of the most essential aspects of writing that is often overlooked. I think the best way to explain it is to give you an example. (A/N: I am plucking these examples out of the air, please do not consider them the peak of my writing ability. Thank you)

Example 1

He walked over to the bookcase and scanned the shelves. He frowned and ran his fingers along the spines until his gaze caught on a title. He grabbed the book excitedly and yanked it loose. Then he raced back to his desk.

Example 2

He walked over to the bookcase, scanning the shelves. Frowning, he ran his fingers along the spines, muttering titles under his breath. Magic, ghosts, ghouls, spirits. A jolt shot through him and his eyes widened. There.

Demons.

Hands trembling, he snatched the book from the shelf, drew it into his chest, and raced back to his desk.

You may think example 1 is a bit extreme, but you’ll be amazed what our brains spew out when we’re drafting, and how hard it is to see our own sentence structure when we’re reading back a story we know in our hearts. Our brains skip over these things. We have to train them to stop and see!

Vary your sentence structure. It makes your prose more engaging to a reader and keeps them hooked on your writing. I also find that the continuous tenses do a great job of making your writing more active (more on that later) and ensuring that your characters aren’t too distant from the reader. Essentially, your readers are right there in the action with your MCs.

Rhythm is also important for creating or aiding whatever emotion you want the reader to be feeling. For example, are you writing an action scene? Intersperse your prose with short, sharp sentences. Is your character on the verge of an emotional breakdown? Write long sentences with run-on clauses to convey that their mind is working at 100 miles a minute. Are you writing a cool down scene where your characters can sit back and enjoy the scenery? Let that scenery flourish! Fill your prose with colour and smells and sounds.

2. Sensory/Feeling!

If any of my clients are reading this, they might have shuddered reading those words because I’m pretty sure I’ve written them at least a handful of times on every submission I’ve received. Don’t worry! I explain what it means first! And I shall do so now.

I mentioned making your writing more active, and this truly is one of the most challenging but most important things a writer must undertake. I’m still working on it myself and do not claim to be an expert (on any of this)! It’s not something you should tie yourself in knots over when drafting (or doing NaNo) but you absolutely need to make sure you’ve done all you can regarding active voice before you start querying

But Natalie, you cry, the heading is Sensory/Feeling!

Yes, because – in my opinion – adding more sensory details and feelings (or active reactions as I like to call them) will automatically make your writing more active.

Of the two, I think sensory details are the easiest to forget when drafting but also the easiest to add in later. If you want the reader to feel like they’re inside that smoky, dingy tavern with your MC, then describing what it looks like won’t be enough. Is there an icy draft blowing through the aged timber, or is the roaring fire in the hearth enough to melt away winter’s touch? Does it smell like meat stew and roasting vegetables? Or does it smell like cigar smoke and sweaty bodies? Is the tavern full of laughter and music? Or is it a quiet place, full of whispers?

Not only do these sensory details draw your reader into the scene, they also evoke the atmosphere that you’re trying to create. A tavern with a roaring fire that smells of good food and is full of laughter is very different to a draughty, sweaty place that’s full of shady individuals. Essentially, it’s showing instead of telling. I’m sorry but it’s a legit thing and I had to mention it at least once!!!

So, what about Feeling!?

Sorry to say, but this also falls under the umbrella of showing instead of telling, but it should also bring your reader closer to your MC and improve character voice. So, really, it’s a party! I’ll bring out some examples again.

Example 1

A demon burst through the window.

She was terrified. She jumped backward and searched for something, anything, to defend herself. The demon prowled towards her, growling low in its throat, and she couldn’t look away. She stared into its red eyes and she’d never felt more afraid.

Example 2

A demon burst through the window.

Screaming, she flung herself back, scrambling away over the glass-strewn floor. Her eyes jumped from wall to wall, heart in her mouth as she sought something, anything, to defend herself with. But her mind spun, her body trembled. She couldn’t focus. Couldn’t think.

Glass crunched and she snapped rigid, gaze swinging back around.

The demon’s red eyes trapped her, trapped her cries for help. It prowled towards her and she shivered. Frozen, her jaw opened in a silent scream.

Don’t tell us that she’s terrified. Show us that she’s screaming, that she’s shaking, that she can’t think straight. Let the reader feel what the character is feeling. I call these moments ‘Beats’ when critiquing – a beat here, another beat here – because they don’t need to be full sentences or in-depth descriptions. They can literally just be a pop of action, a dash of reaction. A beat.

The more active your writing, the more your reader’s heart will be pounding along with your MC’s.

3. Tension

This is particularly essential for your opening chapter, but – honestly – it’s essential for every scene. The important thing to remember here is that tension doesn’t have to be outright action, it doesn’t have to be danger, nor does it have to be a fight. Tension can be personal, it can be anxious, it can be romantic.

Tension can also be big picture/little picture. As in, maybe you want your characters to have a damn break for once and enjoy a nice meal together which is light-hearted and fun. And that’s absolutely fine if that light-hearted beat has been earned. Earning it means that you will have set up the macro (big picture) tension well enough that it’s bubbling undercurrent is enough to keep things brewing.

You might argue that tension is less important in contemporary romance than it is in fantasy, or some other genre comparison. I’d say there’s no difference in the function of tension. You might execute it differently, it might focus on different things, but there always needs to be some sort of tension going on.

Every story needs conflict, whether it’s internal or external, because every story needs stakes. And that’s tension.

Tension is also something you should consider when it comes to the nitty-gritty of your prose. The following example is something I’ve seen a lot in submissions.

Example 1

She walked out the school gates with her shoulders hunched, hood up to protect herself from the cold wind gusting around her. She couldn’t stay any longer. She couldn’t sit there with this feeling inside her. This fear. Somebody was watching her. She knew it. She’d known it since that night, and her heart hadn’t stopped pounding since. Like it was pounding now as she walked down the main street. Eyes wide, she scanned the road. Empty. There were usually cars at this time. She’d banked on there being cars so she could get home and be safe. Freezing, she glanced back at school. And then a hand clapped over her mouth.

We have a big, chunky paragraph and then dramatic action buried at the end of it. Now, the caveat here is that this is actually a pretty cool stylistic tool to use occasionally. It changes things up, throws something new into your established rhythm. But I emphasise occasionally.

If you do this too often you’ll start dragging the reader out of the narrative because they’ll constantly be reading back to check if they understood properly. If they’re constantly having to read back, they’ll be snapped out of any tension you’ve been building. You want them to be swept along, and you want those holy shit moments to land with a BANG (except occasionally, as mentioned).

Example 2

She swore her heart stopped. It was empty.

There were usually cars at this time, she thought, blinking rapidly as if cars might appear. She’d banked on it being busy, on there being witnesses, so she could get home and be safe. So she could get away from the sneering faces of her classmates, lock the door on them and on whatever haunted her, and fling herself into a world where she was safe, into her books, into her writing.

Freezing, she glanced back at school. A boot scuffed against concrete. A shadow blocked the sun.

A hand clapped over her mouth.

I frequently litter critiques with the words ‘let this moment breathe’. Don’t bury your tension. Don’t let it get lost. Draw it out, let it stand alone, let it smack your reader in the face so they’re squirming with it.

4. Prologues

Prior to starting my Chapter Critique Service, I was a big defender of prologues. A perfectly executed prologue is a dream. However, I’d say that over half of the submissions I’ve looked at have had prologues…and I’ve recommended that all but one be cut.

The most common issue with prologues – and something every agent will spot a mile away – is that they’re an attempt to showcase conflict because the opening three chapters don’t have enough (or at least, the author fears their opening chapters don’t have enough). This is a particular issue if your prologue is from a different perspective to that of your MC. One of the key things an agent is hoping for when they open a submission is to feel a connection to your MC. If you jump from one POV to another, and if those two POVs are in different timelines, you’re breaking the immersion for the agent. And then if your following chapters don’t have any tension, or any conflict, they’ll be turned off altogether.

I’ve also seen such huge variety in the length of prologues. If your prologue is a page long, is it really worth it? If your prologue is 3000 words, is it really a prologue or is it just a chapter?

At the end of the day, if your opening chapters don’t have enough tension or conflict then you don’t need a prologue – you need to start your story in a different place.

And still, I hear thousands of voices crying out across the universe – my prologue is essential, and it simply must stay.

Which brings me to my final point…

5. Writing to Query

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen this talked about, which makes me a bit nervous that it might be an incredibly unpopular opinion but here I go anyway.

I 1000% believe you should write the story of your heart. The moment you try to write to trend or chase a market, the trend and the market will change. You should never make your story less than you want it to be. Never.

That being said, you have moments to hook an agent. They might not give you the first chapter, they might not even give you the first page. Your first paragraph could be enough to turn an agent off your work. It’s harsh, but it’s true. And so, if you have a non-essential prologue? You’re out. It doesn’t matter if the rest of your book is brilliant, because agents have a ton of brilliant books to consider. If your first chapter lacks conflict/tension? You’re out. If your first paragraph is passive and dull? You’re out.

So, you insist your prologue is essential? Maybe because it sets something up that comes way later in the novel?

Well, I say that an agent is never going to get to that point of your novel if they don’t like prologues. In which case, cut it. Everything that comes after your sample chapters/pages is irrelevant until you get a full request.

The book you write to query should be complete, should be polished, and should shine. But it is NOT the final version of the book that you will write if you go all the way to publication. If your prologue really is essential, then that’s something you can discuss with your agent once you’re signed, or with your editor once you have a book deal. Once you have a book deal, you can push for all those things you might have cut to get your foot in the door, because your foot is finally in the door!

Bored of me banging on about prologues? Something else I’ve seen in submissions is a different POV character for each chapter. Now, I LOVE multiple POV stories. But, once again, when you’re writing to query, you’re making things harder for yourself. Maybe an agent LOVES the character voice in chapter one, but then they’re not so keen on chapter two and they fully despise chapter three. Looking back, they think ‘sure, I liked chapter 1 but is it enough?’. Whereas, if you have three chapters from one POV then you give yourself and an agent time to really connect with that character. Not only that, but they get a broader snapshot of their journey. Three characters across three chapters means you have to set up three different batches of ‘goal, motivation and conflict’. That’s a lot to juggle! With one POV, three chapters is enough to have already dug your claws into an agent’s heart.

I’m not recommending that you scrap your multi POV stories, but it is something to think about. I made a conscious choice when querying Wind Walker to focus on a single POV for my sample chapters, even though it’s a dual POV story. Some may think differently to me, but – personally – I think it was a good call.

Essentially, what I’m saying here is that writing to query is different than writing the perfect book the way you dreamed it. That doesn’t mean you have to throw everything out and start again but think about it. Those of us that are unpublished don’t have anywhere near as much freedom as published authors with a solid track record.

Publishing is a business, and it’s a tough one. Maybe your story is good enough to muscle through these potential obstacles, but I’d say there’s value in pondering it first.

And so, there you have it. My top tips and observations from the last few months of critiquing some brilliant work. And I didn’t even mention contractions! Or my thoughts on hiring editorial services which are probably odd seeing as I’m offering editorial services! Next time…

To reiterate, every single level of publishing is subjective. As much as I try to be impartial, my opinion on what makes good writing is heavily influenced by my own preferences and style. Maybe you read this and you were shaking your head throughout, or maybe you’ve taken a couple of things on board and discarded the rest. Either way is fine by me.

Ultimately, the key is to keep working. Craft is an ever-shifting goal for us to chase as writers, as I truly believe that if we’re willing to grind and to keep developing, we’ll get there.

Good luck!